How are you, Q?
by wheniwrite
Summary: Mallory needs Q to assist Bond on the next mission, but the head of the Q-branch doesn't want to hear about it. James Bond is a prick who never listens to his instructions, he can drown in the ocean for all Q cares. Eve is amused, Q's not, Mallory won't hear any objections and James just came back from Ukraine bearing gifts.


**Just a tiny something I couldn't get out of my head.**  
 **Hope you enjoy and leave me some kudos**  
 **Love you!**

 **PS: no beta, so sorry for any mistakes you might see (let me know if they're too horrible)**

* * *

 **HOW ARE YOU, Q?**

"No way."

M's was glaring daggers at me, his eyes cold. It was a look he normally saved for his unruly agents. I wasn't impressed, it was just a pair of eyes, which were trying to look threatening and if I didn't know my superior, maybe I would shiver. However, I knew exactly what Mallory was after and there was nothing, absolutely nothing that could convince me to agree.

"Q."

My name, my letter - I had almost forgotten the sound of the name my mother gave me when she looked at me for the first time. Thanks to MI6 my life had shrunk into one letter that didn't mean anything, but was more important than all the double-oh agents put together. I got used to the nickname accepting it for the code it stood for.

"007 can do this mission on his own, he doesn't need my assistance," I held my ground, even though I knew it was only a matter of time before a request turned into an order.

"You're responsible for him, Q. I want you to accompany him on this mission too."

Lately, the precious Bond seemed to me more like a ball and chain than the best agent we had and with whom MI6 showed off everywhere it was possible. I had my job, experiments and running projects – it was almost offending they expected me to ditch everything just because someone mentioned the bastard.

"And if I refuse?"

I realized it was a lost battle as soon as M straightened up in his chair as if he swallowed a ruler. Certainly he couldn't expect me to give up so easily, right? After all, he was one of the few people that knew about my – let's say enterprising – past.

"You'll walk Bond through this mission, whether you like it or not. Any other objections are unacceptable," he said irritably and waved me away. Well, here you go, as if I didn't say it.

"Sir," I left with a nod and had to bite my tongue seeing as M turned red because of my tone.

"How are you, Q?" asked Eve as I slammed the door behind myself and didn't even blink at the loud bang made by the massive piece of wood.

"Excellent, Moneypenny," I put on a sour face which made her laugh and my mood slightly improved. I didn't stop frowning though.

"Lunch?" she smiled nicely and even though I knew what was probably waiting for me I nodded gratefully. It had been three hours ago since I had a cup of tea and the last meal I could remember was yesterday's instant noodles.

We hid with Chinese takeaway in my office. I curled up on my hideous sofa and Eve sat on my desk. Even though she didn't seem that way she acted as my mother most of the time. She always made sure I ate properly and slept enough. She cared about my job and unfortunately even about my personal life, which was far less interesting than she would have like it to be.

"Mallory forced you to work with James again, am I right?"

And maybe my current life, which Eve Moneypenny considered very dull, was the reason she was trying to match make me with 007. I would be lying if I said I didn't know where such an absurd idea came from. After all M's secretary had to have some kind of training and I didn't have problem with admitting to myself that her catching me ogling that infamous womanizer's arse was entirely my fault.

"It seems so," my drawn-out tone was accompanied by a long face. I didn't mind playing the guide, but for that Bond would have to actually listen to me. What was the reason of saying turn right when he always turned left. Instincts, my ass.

"Poor Q," Eve laughed and crossed her legs so she could sit more comfortably. Her skirt rode up a little by that move, but for me it meant probably as much as a water pistol for an agent.

"I'm flattered you share my misery," I snored and looked at the bottom of my bowl with the remains of bitter-sweet sauce. There were bits of rice and bamboo shoots in it.

"Oh come on, I'm sure James has to do what he's told from time to time."

"Sure," I waved my hand. "He really likes to do the exact opposite of what he's told. His favourite is winking at the cameras when he manages to blow some shit up. Work with him is marvellous; you should try it some time again soon," grumbling angrily I listened to the sound of woman's laugher echoing from the walls of my office.

Unfortunately our launch was interrupted shortly after by a knock on the door. Standing behind it was R whose normally calm face was twisted into some horrified grimace.

"What happened?" I snapped, because I was the boss, it was my right to be harsh when I wanted to be and I could apologize when Bond was drowning in the ocean or getting threatened by another maniac who thinks MI6 can't track a mobile phone.

"Well, you know J- You should probably see this, sir," she stuttered embarrassed, because it was her who was in charge of the branch when I wasn't present.

When we arrived at the underground laboratory whit Moneypenny at our heels for the simple reason of the amusement J's mistakes always provided, I immediately knew what happened as soon as I saw the black smoke rolling from under one of the doors. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and to withstand the horrendous smell and kicked the door open. J was sitting on a stool looking crestfallen. There were small clouds of smoke rising from his laboratory coat and one of his sleeves was aflame.

"Extinguish him," I growled and some of the minions ran around me into the room trying to help that idiot. I turned around and headed off to my office again. The smoke made my eyes water and I felt somehow nauseous.

"I don't care how, but you'll clean this up within an hour and repair everything that can be saved. Tell J I'm sending him on a two-week vacation. Unpaid," I told to everyone and nobody at the same time. I saw R nodding, which was everything I needed.

I said a quick goodbye to Eve and slammed my office door behind myself with a satisfying boom.

"Hard day?"

I could recognize that voice anytime and the mocking tone would be forever carved into my memory. Amazing, truly superb - James Bond was sitting behind my desk as if he did that every day and he had that smug smirk curving his lips, that one which always made me want to break his nose.

"007, still among the living, what a disappointment," I sighed and folded my arms. Bond laughed softly, a privilege which was saved specially for my person according to Eve, and stood up to give me back my chair, which he so brazenly usurped.

"Would you feel better if I was bleeding out in Ukraine?" he asked with one corner of lips lifted, his eyes shining as if we were joking about anything other but death.

"Even I wouldn't wish you to die in Ukraine, 007," I gave him my answer. We slowly changed our positions – Me behind a desk as a pencil pusher and he in the middle of the room as the self-confident man he was. Two opposites, two people from two different worlds, who had to work together to keep one world from collapsing.

"Good to know," he gave me another of his smiles probably expecting my knees to give up. Fortunately I was already seated at the moment.

"Do you need anything Mr. Bond or did you just decide to ruin my afternoon with a bunch of nosey questions?" I frowned at him. The mission M informed me so kindly about this morning was planned three weeks from now. Why can't I have five minutes of peace?

"Actually," Bond smirked nonchalantly reaching into the inner pocket of his suit jacket, "I came to offer truce," he said and pulled out Walther PPK. Mine specially designed Walther PPK, 9mm. And in one piece! I felt my jaw hit the floor and when he laid the undamaged radio on the desk in front of me I felt like fainting. I took the gun examining it carefully. There wasn't even a scratch.

"Have you throttled all the Ukrainian agents with your bare hands?" I asked baffled, because I still couldn't believe my eyes. In one piece. Dear God, my three hours of sleep were lengthened by another four – the time that would normally take me to put that damn gun together again.

"No, this helped me get rid of them," he answered with another smirk and handed me a small bottle. "I thought it would be better if you are in a good spirit for our mission. I haven't seen you mad yet, but I don't want to risk anything."

"I'm mad every time you step into this room," I protested without looking at him. Instead I was examining the empty bottle which was full of narcotic gas a week ago. It seemed intact and that meant it could be refilled easily. My sleeping hours now resembled healthy human's rest.

"You're just fooling yourself," Bond grinned when I finally looked at him. That man really got on my nerves, but at the moment I couldn't stay mad at him.

"Trust me, I'm not, 007."

"James."

"Excuse me?"

"We should call each other by our first names considering the nature of our mission," he explained.

"Yes, of course, and what monstrous name did M picked for me to play this mummery?"

I notice the corners of his lips twitching, but he cleared his throat then trying to hide his laughter. "I think it's Quentin," he said and wasn't able to stop the snort when I crinkled my nose in disgust.

"How original," I rolled my eyes and stood up. "I expect you here tomorrow at ten o'clock," I added and offered him my hand.

"It was pleasure seeing you, Quentin," he smiled and squeezed my fingers for a fleeting moment.

"Goodbye, James," I offered a small smile to his back when he turned to walk out the door. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship...

...Or a total catastrophe, because in the next minute I caught myself staring at his arse again.


End file.
